The benefits of positive illusions: Idealization and the construction of satisfaction in close relationships.

Abstract

It is proposed that satisfaction is associated with idealistic, rather than realistic, perceptions of one's partner. To provide baselines for assessing relationship illusions, both members of married and dating heterosexual couples were asked to rate themselves and their partners on a variety of interpersonal attributes. Participants also rated the typical and ideal partner on these attributes. Path analyses revealed that individuals' impressions of their partners were more a mirror of their self-images and ideals than a reflection of their partners' self-reported attributes. Overall, intimates saw their partners in a more positive light than their partners saw themselves. Furthermore, these idealized constructions predicted greater satisfaction. Individuals were happier in their relationships when they idealized their partners and their partners idealized them. Taken together, these results suggest that a certain degree of idealization or illusion may be a critical feature of satisfying dating and even marital relationships. In the case of love, realities model themselves enthusiastically on one's desires. . . it is the passion in which violent desire is most completely satisfied. (Beyle Stendhal, De L'Amour) As Stendhal's musings in De L'Amour illustrate, people immersed in the experience of romantic love often appear to bend reality to the will of their hopes and desires. Rather than being constrained by the sometimes-disappointing reality of their partners' actual attributes, individuals may view their partners through the rosy niters provided by images of ideal partners. Within such idealized constructions, intimates may even see virtues in one another's apparent faults. For example, individuals may preserve feelings of confidence in their romantic relationships—in the face of the doubts posed by a partner's failings—by weaving stories that depict such faults in the best possible light (Murray & Holmes, 1993,1994).

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